A wise man once said that if you cannot solve a problem, manage it. This is true in a sense but not applicable to all situations, especially marriage. Marriage is not designed to be managed. It is either you are in or you are out. It is a journey that is designed to be without return, just like opening a can of Coke, peeling an orange and breaking eggs. There are important lessons to be learned from the pandemonium relating to the turbulent marriage saga of His Royal Majesty, the Ooni of Ife, Adeyeye Ogunwusi, Ojaja II.
There is no perfect marriage but the pedestal on which the marriage stands is a major determining factor on how strong the marriage is and how long the marriage lasts. The emergence of the wife of the king, the Ooni of Ife, in the person of Queen Naomi Silekunola into the public glare through the social media has made happenings within the palace uncoverable.
It is painful, going by the outcome of this marriage of great traditional importance in the history of the Yorubas as a tribe in Nigeria and the country as a whole. The office of the Ooni is that of a first class king in Nigeria; however, his is with the privilege of occupying the heart of the history of the Yorubas thereby occupying the most respected office, which transcends those of the other kings in Nigeria in hierarchy so to speak.
One major lesson is that we should not be deceived by the first appearances of things because show is not substance. Marriage should be based on compatibility and not on social stature, wealth, and other mundane and trivial considerations.
I am constrained to borrow the wisdom of some thinkers, which I have brought to bear on this message. We need a receptive heart to accept what we cannot change, courage to change what we can, and the wisdom to understand the difference between them.
The place of control as it applies to the situation under review can further be understood from the following quote:
“Don’t waste your time trying to control the uncontrollable, or trying to solve the unsolvable, or thinking about what could’ve been. Instead, think about what can be if you wisely control what you can control and solve the problems you can solve with the wisdom you have gained from both your victories and defeats in the past.”—David Mahoney.
To be a difference maker, you should appreciate the little differences you are able to make and realize that you don’t have to reach your goals all the time for you to be a difference maker. Difference makers are different. We should prefer a small certainty before a great uncertainty. The marriage of Queen Naomi and His Royal Highness, the Ooni of Ife is a very complicated one because of some fundamental differences that cannot easily be waived or balanced.
I’d like to speak to Queen Naomi as a prophetess. Viewing your marriage using the lens of scriptures, what obtains our realities of what the Israelites experienced in their journey from Egypt to Canaan? The scriptures make it clear that after Pharaoh had let the children of Israel go., it happened that God chose not to let the children of Israel go through the way of the land of the Philistines although that was near. For He felt that lest peradventure they see war on the way and return to Egypt. He now took them through the way of the Red Sea. Reality is that either way, there is danger.
Another important lesson is that “Men will never disappoint us if we observe two rules. One, to find out what they are. Two, to expect them to be just that.”—George Iles.
“And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt: But God led the people about, through the way of the wilderness of the Red sea: and the children of Israel went up harnessed out of the land of Egypt” Exodus 13:17-18.
Coming to His Royal Highness, Adeyeye Ogunwusi, Ojaja II, the situation is dicey and requires courage to hit the nail on the head where necessary and to renounce what had earlier been promised if warranted. Spiritually speaking, to reach a positive compromise between the Christian way of worship, which the queen is more into, and the traditional way which is your consistency as the king, and with attendant responsibilities that are desirous of a companion that would fit in not only into the picture but also into the spirit of worship. This disparity is a hard nut to crack and shares a similarity with the incident in the Bible at the valley of the dry bones (Ezekiel 37). For your majesty to live up to the expectations of the day, and to command respect as due and when not due, you have to have what it takes for the dry bones to live and form an army.
On a final note, people express heartfelt concern about what becomes the experience of the prince, Tadenikawo, who is just about a little bit above one year old. It is believed within a class, who also belong to the school of thought, that a prince cannot be raised outside the palace. This sounds reasonable to any right-thinking person, but its place of correctness needs to be verified within the provisions of the constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.
Matters, no matter how big, can be settled amicably and with respect and decency, which is a product of maturity. That is where to begin. Every man or woman has the right to determine his or her destiny without fear or favor.
“Don’t expect others to take as much interest in you as you do yourself. No person should be expected to distort the main lines of his life for the sake of another individual. On occasion, there may exist such a strong affection that even the greatest sacrifices become natural. But if they are not natural, they should not be made, and no person should be held blame-worthy for not making them.”—Bertrand Russell.
The wearer of the shoes knows where it pinches. All we can do is to wish the couple the best and continue to lift them up in our prayers.
Samuel ‘Tunji Adeyajnu